Reading All Night

Things I liked: It is a very gay/queer book written by Trans author. The world in which it is set treats being gay or any other sexual attraction just as a normal fact of life . Also  I was just really liked the cover art for this . 

Things I didn't like : Basically everything else .Alex acted too much like a damn teenager than a grown man. Also I am beyond confused that the readers is meant to believer there were at least three people at least that came in contact with him/were friends/ worked for him that worked for the group protesting against him and his company. Just are you fucking kidding me?? Various things the characters do make no logical sense. While I like the positive approach to bdsm the sex scenes just in whole were very very uncomfortable even the more consensual ones. Also in general the book is just overall took long. The last 100 pages felt like a slog to get through. I kept having to stop and come back to it . Personally the only reason I finished it was that was the last day having the ebook from the library , it had holds and I really didn't want to be added to the list again just to finish the last 100 pages.

Overall I am just really disappointed .I was really interested from the summary on this when it was announced and just am always excited for more queer/lgbt content in general. The characters in general sadly stop being able to carry the novel more than halfway through. I get that Elisha is 18 but just in general all the "adults"acted like teens . Least it came across that way to me. The sex scenes and just the sex in general in this was super messed up and just ruined any sort of message the author was trying to get across. I think the idea and the type of world he created could be interesting but just the way it was executed in this was just did not work.

This book was such a disappointment .Was really looking forward to it since there are not alot of fiction books about munchausen by proxy, though maybe there are more and just not heard of them.I signed up for that aspect of it because even though it is something horrible that happens it is still in a strange way interesting to dig deeper into and read about. The first issue is that everyone ,and I mean everyone ,in this book is beyond unlikeable . For the most part I do not have a big issue with that.In fact there are quite a few books that I like or love that have horrible or just characters that are meant to be unlikeable. The difference in those cases is that those characters are written super well, which in this book they are unlikeable and not written well. I am all for making characters flawed but most of the characters here are just super terrible people with little to no redeeming qualities or shades of grey to their personality. I can give the book making her mother an awful person considering what the book is meant to be about but then it is oh no her mom is awful and her dad she has just meant again is secretly awful even though he started off wanting to get to know her and this is before Rose Gold gets all super damn creepy. I can sort of get not being ready to fully bring her into the family or want her on the family trip but just he seems to put up a wall to wanting to get to know her soon after finding her and just in the context of the book it is ummm then what was the damn point in going up to talk to her or seeking her out? Also for good measure her friend(s)are assholes too. Course that is not enough and her boss is awful as well because why the fuck not. Will get back to Rose Gold but yeah for the time being yeah she is awful too.

Second the book take a strange turn some what through where it becomes less focused on the issue of munchausen by proxy, and more a revenge plot. Again , if it was written well could be interesting but just it comes out of no where here and just for the character makes no damn sense in my opinion. This is when I get back to Rose Gold . Again I don't have an issue with the author wanting to make the story into a revenge plot. In many , many respects Rose Gold has a million reasons to want to get back at her mother. The issue is she goes way too far. Mostly for the fact that she stole a freaking baby, passed it on as her own and then framed her mother for doing the same crap again The main thing I feel with revenge plots in books and movies is that you root for the person getting the revenge . Maybe they are not always just . They do not have to be but for the most part feel the plot and character makes you feel they are right in their actions. Here though I can just not explain away or root for her when she stole a freaking child, explained it to be her own . Just it colors how I see her as a character. I don't cheer on her revenge plot no matter what she has been through and no longer feel at sorry for her. That just hate the narrative of those that have dealt with abuse in some way will either do the same as their abusers or worse.

In short, just was overly disappointed in this. The characters were overly poorly written, over unlikeable to the point I stopped enjoying reading about them . They did things that really did not make sense even in the context of the story. Will see if there are others books about similar issues.

I have been meaning to read this book and just books in general by this author. I put this one in particular off just because of all the praise I have heard surrounding it and just all the awards that covered the front of it. As much as I think awards for books that are great are awesome, I still want the book overall to stand on its own.

During the summary of Ari's Junior/Senior year , Dante moves to town. The boys quickly become best friends and during that summer learn more about themselves and the world around them. Overall I really enjoyed this . It was a cute coming of age story with lgbt main characters . Even though I really liked it and overall see why it is so heavily praised I didn't think it was perfect . In fact there were quite a few things that just didn't sit well with me and took the star rating down a bit.

Laying aside for a bit. Not bored but just noting having the desire to pick it up or read more than a chapter or two when I pick it up. Checked out the audio so will see if that helps when I get back to it. 

Brave Face is a frank, honest and often times difficult to read memoir about not only the struggles of coming out during the 90's amidst such policies as Don't Ask Don't tell and the defense of marriage act , but is  also a young man struggling with depression. I have not read any of his fiction books but since they have been on my too be read pile for quite some time , thought it was only fitting to read something written about and by that author since I do plan to read his books in the future.  As stated before, this memoir is blunt, honest and very difficult to read at times. He does not shy away from difficult subject matter such as self hate and self harm, all of which the author has trigger warnings at the start of the book and later on as well. Will admit that the ending feels like way too much is crammed. I get that the bulk of the book is about him coming out and deal with depression as a teen but would have liked if some of his adult years of being out and proud but still suffering from depression was not all jammed packed at the end.  

WARNING this review turns more into a rant and is super long mostly because I am super torn on this book. I started off really liking it and just am always excited to read new lgbtq+ especially from lgbt authors. There were some aspects, though, of the book that really make me want to scream. To the point that I picked up something else because I was pretty sure I was not going to like how it ended and certain plot points were still grinding my gears. 

I am going to try to start off positive because I didn't out right hate it but will be honest in saying the things that I did not like or  that did not sit well for me still sort of taint the enjoyment of the book as a whole. I might come back and change my rating to a two because omg are those certain points really bothering me  but for now will leave it at a three.   Nope, never mind those details bother me way too much. 

Started  this because certain aspects of Like A Love Story were starting to bug me. I would say I really like "gimmick " of her books of writing the fictionalized lives of her characters as if they were real people. Would have to say so far I still at this moment like The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo better. This one is good so far,though, and has a very VH1 Behind the Musics vibe. 

The time jumps in this are really starting to drive me crazy .

 I am so torn how I feel about this book.One one had I really like various elements of the book but on the other hand they were done done as well as they could have been. I really really enjoyed The Troop and enjoyed The Acolyte enough where I wanted to keep reading more books by this author. Like The Acolyte I am mixed overall after reading this. I really liked the concept but the actual execution was sort of weak. To me Nick Cutter is overall good with his endings in that they are vague and mysterious, though will say thought The Acolyte ending could have been better. The main characters don't always come out fine at the end . Most times things are worse off than how they started. Humanity is just overall fucked in his books to say the least and while that might be more than a bit nihilistic but it has a truth in that sometimes for no reason bad things just happen and people are at a loss to stop them.

Other than mostly liking the ending even if it was a tad confusing in this one, I did enjoy the setting of this one but felt it was not used to its full advantage. Thought more of the horror was going to center on the claustrophobic nature of the setting. Some of that came in to play during certain scenes but there could have been a lot more of it. While there is for sure tension that on the edge of your seat level tension never happened for me. That and and the tension or worry was greatly misplaced at times.For example I found myself more when Clayton tore the dog's ear off than when the dog was being dragged by the other dog/monster thing into the hole/rift . Think overall the misplaced tension was one of the major issues that caused me not to enjoy this as much as I did. I am not 100 percent sure if it was how it was written or if it was just me.

I am overly conflicted about this book. There are many aspects I liked about it : the body horror, the government cover up, and the queer aspects just to name a few, but there are many aspects about it that just fell flat for me. In fact I was quite nervous to finish it because quite certain that however it may it that it was going to ruin the entire book for me. I put off the ending,aka the last two chapters, to the point that I finished an entire Pet Sematary audiobook before I finally went back to finish it.

As much as I love darker themed young adult novels, I was really wanting it to be darker than it ended up being . I realize this is a personal issue and had I wanted to read a darker body horror novel there are plenty of adult novels that would have been better suited to my needs. Even so I was still expecting just a bit more from this one.A lot of my issues, though, with this book in particular plot points that to me do not make sense. For instance more than half way through the book an incident with the fence safe-guarding the school from the twisted animals that now roam the woods allows a bear to get inside said fence, and inside the school itself. Under the circumstances, it would still be case for alarm if a normal bear had gotten in. Given that it is twisted by whatever is infecting the island, which turns out at the end to be some parasitic worm thing, it is meant to be a even more terrifying experience was frustrating since Hetty and most of the other girls are able to outrun the bear from room to room and barricade themselves inside said rooms. The latter is at least more believable than the former. During the whole encounter only one girl ,that I recall, actually dies from the whole episode with the bear.

I am not saying the author should have killed off more characters, she is not at all shy to kill characters or least some of them, but the fact remains that some how they are able to outrun the bear when people have hard time running away from "normal" bears in the wild. It just all feel too overly convenient. What should have been a high stacks nerve wrecking scene just to me held no tension whatsoever. Mentioning killing characters, though, the author does rack up quite the body count and yet it doesn't hold the impact, least to me, that the author intended. I will like to state character deaths other than a few instances(aka my favorite character in a given work or a death that comes completely by surprise) rarely do much for me. Here, though, the deaths that do occur suffer from particular aspect of novels that really bug me : killing of faceless,nameless, "unimportant, side character(s). Now I am not saying the death of side characters always come off as "safe bets" or meaningless deaths but here it does. Of the characters that do die, the reader only really gets to know the slightest bit of them based on what Hetty has said about them or the few scenes they are present in, which is not enough in to develop them or they were not develop as well as they should have been. Instead in this book , it feels like the reader should be shocked by the number of death instead of who actual has dies. I felt the same way about the two adults that died and then the boy that dies from Byatt kissing him.Given how little time we get to know them their deaths hold little or no impact. If you don't really give the proper time to really know characters than their deaths just don't mean much .

The only death that would and could of held any meaning the author took back , which is a trend in books and other media that I hate. Will be the first to admit I am not a doctor, but I was pretty sure with how invasive Byatt is removing the worm thing in her arm, how much blood she loses in the process, a fact that Hetty remarks on when Byatt is finally found, and the fact that Byatt is left alone who knows how long with no medical assistance she would not still be alive .Least it doesn't seem like she should still be alive. I think it would have much more impactful to have her die, have Hetty deal with that grief and pain of not being able to get there in time, which it seems for a moment she is than to be oh no Byatt is actual alive, very very weak by somehow still alive.

Another aspect of the novel that sort of threw me was the romantic subplot. I love that there is a queer relationship in this and other than the body horror was an element that made me pick it up in the first place,but I am still confused by the two that get together. From the start, was pretty sure Byatt and Hetty were meant to be the romantic pair given how close they seemed in every scene they shared together and given the book was from their two points of view. I have nothing against power close friendships and given what has happen the students may cling tighter to each other more than ever before,but it just felt like more than friendship between the two of them , least from Hetty's chapters. No, though, seems Reese and Hetty are the ones that get together, which just really confused me. Hetty spends way less time with her, at one point Reese tries to choke here and for awhile seems like they are not even friends anymore and are not not even talking. I can buy that Byatt and Hetty are just really close best friends . Books need more powerful platonic best friendships they really do. The fact still remains that relationship makes no sense between the two that are paired up in this book. Maybe I was missing subtle clues but to me seems they went from sort of again not even being friends because of Hetty getting boat shift, something Reese really wants to try to find her dad, to kissing and suddenly are sort of together. If this was the plan where were there no chapter from Reese to get to know her more and develop her more?

Overall I enjoyed it enough to finish even if I put off finishing it but I wanted more from it. I really enjoyed the body horror aspects of it and when they were the focus the book was really exciting . I just really wanted more of those aspects I am not faulting it for not being as dark and gritty as I first thought. I get it is young adult and the darker elements have to be toned down in some way for that target audience. Even so what it did do in that respect was great and just again wanted more of it. I was not a fan of the lack of any explanation for the Tox. I was not expecting a full exposition dump since that would have been over the top and annoying , but was expecting something more than was in the book. I get diseases are confusing in real life but was expecting some sort of explanation to parts of it at least in this. Finally as much as I love open endings , when they make sense, the ending felt rushed and abrupt.Was overall just disappointed in a lot of the aspects of this novel. The cover is gorgeous,though

*Full review to come.

The ending of this book is going to make or break it for me.

Even though this was not exactly what I was expecting , I still really enjoyed it to the point that I flew through it. Now it is on the shorter side , but I put aside other books I was reading just to finish it. Starting out I was expecting it to be more like [book:My Lovely Wife|39796904] or the [book:Darkly Dreaming Dexter|17231] series. Will say if you are wanting more on the murder front or just something more dark and graphic, I would recommended those over this book. While the the murders are still a major part of the book given it what it is about, all the deaths happen off screen and this is much about the consequences after the fact. I could also see some people taking issue with how short the chapters. Personally thought they made it go by faster. The chapters are all only a few pages so made you want to keep reading but could for sure see how it could also make the book seem choppy at times.

Given that the murders are not front and center , the book comes off more as a character study of how the main character deals with the fact of what her sister is and the lengths she will go to protect her to the point that by the end the main character is pretty much a criminal too. There are a few elements of the story that are a bit predictable, but turn out exactly in the way I thought. Will say if you are not a fan of open endings and need some sort of closer, you are not going to get it. Personally, I a big fan of opening endings as long as they are done well and make sense for that particular book. For this book, the opening ending was the most realistic outcome. The man in the comma, for instance, finally wakes up and recalls some of what the main character though it is not clear if down the road he will tell what he knows. There is that chance he might later on decide he might, on good intention, release what he knows or maybe he will find a way that he could profit in some way from what he knows. I am sort of surprised that it wasn't mentioned.Also enjoy that it is clear that her sister is going to keep killing and that the main character is at some point going to have to decide if family loyalty is worth hiding the truth.

The one draw back of this novel is how easily the police believe the sister's and/or the main characters version of events when there is more or less clear evidence that something is not what it seems . In reality the truth does not always win out and people that should be in jail are not and those who are innocent are locked up , but like many similar books the police in this are sort of useless. Not saying I wanted it to go down that road. In books at least, it is more fun if people get away with their crimes or if they come really close to being caught and are able to get away in some way. The two came close to being caught when the police take the main character's car and when a bloody napkin was found at one the crime scenes. The napkin is brought up and not too soon forgotten.It doesn't even appear that that the police even took it in for processing. I also get that the main character cleans up after her sister really well, but you can't tell me she got everything . Just while it may be possible to get blood stains out of various materials, it is pretty much next to impossible to be certain ever trace is washed away even with obsessive cleaning.Every day you see criminals that are brought in because they missed one stray amount of blood or a fingerprint they front to wipe away.Even if the main character is a nurse, she is not a forensic expert and thus even if she is using a black light to make sure she gets every bit of blood it is not logical to think she got everything given that it doesn't seem like the sister does anything to cover her tracks.
Overall though even with the few minor flaws here and there still really enjoyed this one.

Overall I enjoyed this . It was fast paced and for me at least it was quite the page turner. When I first started it, I didn't realize it was his first novel. I went just on the fact that the summary sounded like something I would enjoy. After realizing though, I can tell it is a first novel. Certain aspects of the novel are not as overly polished and a few plot points seem way too convenient, which is my main issue with the novel in general. Several plot points throughout the story are exciting while reading and then when I was finished and had time to mull them over, several events didn't really make sense or add up. I more than fine reading books where I can turn off my brain for awhile. Where it is a book that doesn't have any big meaning it needs to get across or impact to make. A book that that is just supposed to be entertainment for awhile. Even so there is a line a book crosses where even though it is enjoyable, and I did actually enjoy this book, the characters or the writing throw common sense out the window. A few times here and there is not an issue . Hell real people even with the best of intentions do it from time to time. We are all human and just even though we knew better we still fuck up. I can give benefit of the doubt to a few things, but when you add all the infractions together is when I start to have an issue.
For instance I can forgiven the first common sense abuse since in summary on the back cover, I knew going in that Ben fucked up by telling a court decision to someone he shouldn't. I can sort of buy that he let excitement of the position go to his head even though he probably signed a million legal documents stating what you can or can not say to family and friends.That and even though he shouldn't trust some random person that called, he got wrapped up in the moment and blabbed. Fine ok. Things I have more issue is that even though Ben and a few others are sure that the house may be bugged they continue to say things they shouldn't and then are shocked when things get out. Get that moving to different places every time they thought the place might be bugged is a bit obsessive , but don't get why they couldn't have stayed in the house and just been more careful about what they said. I do get having characters pass notes could get a tad clunky to read instead of spoken dialogue. Even so they could have developed a code. Just something.
Honestly too just thought there were too many twists in this. I don't have an issue with books that have twists in them. They can be fun to guess along with but do feel there should be either one big twist that is revealed toward the en or if there are a few, that they are used with a purpose in mind and that there are not so many that they start to clutter the story. This book for me falls into the latter category. I do think the twists were trying to serve a purpose but overall they came off as a mess. For instance one of the twists that just felt personally unnecessary and just didn't make sense is that it is revealed that one of the men working for Rick, the villain of the story, is actually a marshal trying to help Ben. What doesn't make sense to me is that he is supposed to an one of the higher ups for one of the companies whose law suits to Court is deciding. on. Just would think it would be somewhat public knowledge of what someone higher up would look like. So am confused why Rick was fooled by this. It just came off as a way to get someone close to Rick who could save Ben toward the end of the book. I was also not the biggest fan of Eric being a double agent. Not saying am not a fan of the concept and believe it can be done well, just feel in this book it was executed poorly.
The end of the book was the other issue for me. It felt slightly lack luster. Things are not totally wrapped up nicely since there are thankfully consequences for what happened. Still felt overall things turned out mostly ok. Rick has his typical villain moments where he threatens to kill someone but never acts on it by instead letting everyone live and just beats them. Though am a bit shocked that he got to live at the end given how so much media loves killing villains. He was overall an ok villain but for sure could have been better. Ben does lose his job, as he should . Course he has a way better one by the end of the novel so he still wins out in the end. Nathan is pissed with good reason given that because of Ben's actions one of their friends committed suicide . A detail that seems to really matter in the moment but only Nathan seems to feel any real mourning over. That and the fact that the mother of said friend is so possessive and obsessive over her son's life that in one scene she is jumping down her son's throat to get back the job he is fired from and yet is not beating down the roommates door to explain why her son is dead, which really makes no sense. That and just a personal pet peeve of having the book end with the unnecessary romance angle. I am not against romance being in any sort of book but I am against forced romance and for sure felt that the romance between Ben is and Lisa is so damn forced . It was unneeded and personally had Ben not fucked up by spilling the beans about the case outcome both of them would have been fired or least spoken to about their romance. Having the book end on that aspect was just super cringy. Would have honestly preferred if it turned out that Lisa was a lesbian as one of the guys thought in the beginning. Granted still would have had issued given that their assumptions are based on old stereotypes. More though would just preferred if the romance was just not part of the novel to begin with.